Forgiveness. That word's got a nice little ring to it. It's got a nice meaning to it as well, if you ask me. Sometimes I feel so undeserving of forgiveness, and then I remember that I am, in fact, not worthy of anything. Much less forgiveness. Jesus Christ did not have to die on that cross for me, but He did for some reason beyond my wildest dreams. I struggle to wrap my mind around that kind of all-consuming love, that kind of unprecedented compassion that forced him to sacrifice so much. THE perfect man, The Truth, died for my transgressions to give me hope and purpose. He died for ME, one screwed up human being. And even after he suffered that horrific death upon an old wooden cross, he forgave me without a moment's hesitation.
Why, then, should one imperfect, flawed person such as myself have such a massive problem with forgiving someone who's wronged me in the slightest of ways? Why should I feel entitled to withhold forgiveness? I have absolutely no right to delegate who should and shouldn't receive redemption. I know that, yet I fight my very nature time and time again over that simple problem: my glaring lack of the ability to forgive someone easily Everything within me screams, "Don't trust them again. Just don't talk about it. Ignore the problem. Ignore them!" But my beliefs contradict what my very conscious seems to whisper to me at every turn. My faith tells me that I must forgive. I must accept the fact that I am going to get my feelings hurt, or be offended, but I have to look past that and be the bigger person.
This presents a huge challenge for me. My pride, often enough, stands in the way of my "turning the other cheek." Life is a constant struggle to improve myself, to become the best person, the best Believer, I possibly can become. I know that I have quite the journey before me to become like Christ, to become the person he created me to be. But I have faith. And a patient savior. It may not be easy, but each and every day I want to move a step forward in that journey and see where Christ leads me.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Looking for the Silver Lining
The beginning of my junior year of high school has been a little bumpy, to say the least.
The new schedule, consisting of seven periods instead of the usual (and blessed) six, is shaking things up. By the time I get to my Spanish II class, I am ready to leave, and I mean, SOON. As soon as I hear that gloriously annoying bell ring. Then, it hits me out of the blue. I must endure yet another period before escaping to my home for a much-deserved nap.
And my lunch is more than a little crowded, and crazy-loud. If you were to step into my cafeteria, I guarantee you that you'd know exactly what a zoo would look like if all of the animals escaped at feeding time and an absolute frenzy were to occur. Sit through lunchtime at my high school long enough, and you'd be prepared for the raging hunger of crazed animals in a matter of weeks.
Also, there are people who seem to have dropped off the face of the planet, people who, in some cases, I've been in class with for the past five years! And I just never see them, period. (Not one measly, little passing in the hallway or random meeting outside of a classroom. I mean, come on!) It's almost as if we don't attend the same school any longer. It makes me a little sad, kind of homesick in a way.
Things are changing, and they'll never be the same as they once were.
It's hard to accept this fact, but I will. Eventually. I'll always miss some things. But others? Let's just say that change has its upside as well. I just can't think of the silver lining at this particular moment. But it'll come to me. I know it will. I'm searching for it...Endlessly.
Like I said, eventually.
Of course, I do look forward to all of the challenges and opportunities that come with being a junior: prom...and...well, almost being a senior. That's actually really all I can think of at the moment. Sad, I know. But let's be honest, I don't really consider the PSAT and ACT and AP exams as super, totally exciting things to come in my future. I mean, what normal American teenager does? None that I can think of. But these are vital aspects of junior-dom, I suppose. Learning, expanding my wealth of knowledge. I'm up for something new, but a little bit of the old thrown in can't hurt, either.
The new schedule, consisting of seven periods instead of the usual (and blessed) six, is shaking things up. By the time I get to my Spanish II class, I am ready to leave, and I mean, SOON. As soon as I hear that gloriously annoying bell ring. Then, it hits me out of the blue. I must endure yet another period before escaping to my home for a much-deserved nap.
And my lunch is more than a little crowded, and crazy-loud. If you were to step into my cafeteria, I guarantee you that you'd know exactly what a zoo would look like if all of the animals escaped at feeding time and an absolute frenzy were to occur. Sit through lunchtime at my high school long enough, and you'd be prepared for the raging hunger of crazed animals in a matter of weeks.
Also, there are people who seem to have dropped off the face of the planet, people who, in some cases, I've been in class with for the past five years! And I just never see them, period. (Not one measly, little passing in the hallway or random meeting outside of a classroom. I mean, come on!) It's almost as if we don't attend the same school any longer. It makes me a little sad, kind of homesick in a way.
Things are changing, and they'll never be the same as they once were.
It's hard to accept this fact, but I will. Eventually. I'll always miss some things. But others? Let's just say that change has its upside as well. I just can't think of the silver lining at this particular moment. But it'll come to me. I know it will. I'm searching for it...Endlessly.
Like I said, eventually.
Of course, I do look forward to all of the challenges and opportunities that come with being a junior: prom...and...well, almost being a senior. That's actually really all I can think of at the moment. Sad, I know. But let's be honest, I don't really consider the PSAT and ACT and AP exams as super, totally exciting things to come in my future. I mean, what normal American teenager does? None that I can think of. But these are vital aspects of junior-dom, I suppose. Learning, expanding my wealth of knowledge. I'm up for something new, but a little bit of the old thrown in can't hurt, either.
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